Tag Archives: sex

Will the Real Men Please Stand Up? Part II

Last week, I wrote about human trafficking and the subtle misconceptions that can wreck us, and it quickly became my top-read post. I am amazed and overwhelmed by your generous responses, as so many of you spoke out your own stories, admirable standards, and challenges. I am so thankful for your truth-telling, and maybe I should title this post instead, “Look at all these Real Men and Women!!!” since it’s clear you are a very fine bunch indeed!

As I read and learned from your responses, I realized how powerful righting these toxic misconceptions by speaking the truth can be. And on this note I’d like to tell one more story…

Truth in the Grotesque 

There is a mystery embedded in the heart of the red light district. It appeared anonymously, in the middle of the night, unnoticed: an artist stealing into the red light district at midnight not to take pleasure for himself but to tell a simple but unspoken truth.

One morning, the dawning light over the red light district revealed new artwork in its streets. A bronze statue, the naked torso of a woman, held in the hand of a man, and both anchored to each other by the same circle of chains.

via Flickr by Stacey B from Brooklyn, NY

The statue was solidly embedded into the cobblestones of the church square of the the ancient and abandoned Oude Kerk or “Old Church,” a 14th century cathedral that now marks the heart of the red light district. Aren’t we all cathedrals in ruins? Sanctuaries vaulted to heaven yet crumbling at the cornerstone?

When the public discovered the statue, the city council set out to remove it, fearing it would offend the sex workers. But the sex workers said, No! Keep it. They went to the city council themselves and insisted that the statue stay in their square, where the cathedral and the red light district meet.

I don’t know that I ever heard their reason expressed for keeping the statue, and I don’t know how many prostitutes kept or left their work as a result. But I think this much is clear…something in the statue struck a chord in them. Somehow, these women saw themselves in this bronze reflection and said, Yes, this is it. Trading skin with strangers, the woman becomes faceless. The man becomes a disembodied, groping hand. Whole souls are fragmented into only a muscle, a body part, a limb.  And it is impossible to tell who is in bondage to whom.

I wonder if the prostitutes, instead of feeling offense, felt honored that someone had spoken truth about their reality. It is not beautiful, it is not desirable, but there is dignity is truth-telling, even in our darkest districts.

Truth Dispelling Darkness

As we talk about prostitution, pornography, what a woman is worth, and what we are all worth as brothers and sisters in this cosmos, I think the first thing we can do  is become truth-tellers.

Let’s not make the grotesque sleek and sophisticated. Let’s reject the pretense that pornographers and strip clubs treat women categorically differently than human traffickers, and that we can compartmentalize our private sexual choices from the rest of our lives.

Sexual empowerment is a euphemism, a word so much human wreckage is hidden behind. But even prostitutes want to be told the truth. And if we want to lead the way to healing, to open up avenues of redemption, the bitter truth must first be told.

How have you observed truth-telling–even in the grotesque–to be redemptive?

Not A Man’s Issue

1 out of every 6 women sitting next to you in small group, volunteering at the welcome center or youth ministry at your church, and leading what from the outside looks like a polished evangelical lifestyle, struggle with a secret. 1 out of every 6 women are marginalized and stigmatized into silence when their pastor addresses pornography, with exclusively male pronouns, in a sermon. They think they are the only one.

I would really love to personally introduce every one of these women to Crystal Renaud, founder of Dirty Girls Ministries and author of new release, Dirty Girls Come Clean, named strategically to grab the attention of women searching online for porn.

I’ve had the privilege of working with Crystal and leading the publicity campaign for her new book, and I can’t tell you how grateful, impressed, and amazed I am by her story and ministry.

Sexuality, in all its celebration and its distortion, is not a man’s issue. It is a human issue. But as Crystal can testify, the issue of women struggling with pornography and sexual addiction has been far too often neglected in Christian circles. But the statistics still stand: 17% of all women are, in their own words, addicted to porn. And shame and systemized silence keep us stranded alone.

The mainstream culture has no problem talking about porn; our culture has normalized female pornography and masturbation, taking it so far as making it a political issue by heralding these sexual behaviors as an equal right and freeom they get to strut along with the men.

But freedom is not one of the words Crystal would have used to describe her own addiction to pornography. And after a journey of recovery, freedom is not in the vocabulary of the women Crystal ministers to through Dirty Girls Ministries workshops, groups, and discussion forums.

I love Crystal’s approach to finding hope and healing. Even if a woman can completely recover from their destructive habits, she says,

“…pornography is not the problem. Masturbation is not the problem. Our compulsive sexual behaviors are not the problem. They are merely the symptoms of something much, more bigger. The symptoms of a core, unhealed woundedness. A wound that has been filled with a whole bunch of junk to deter from and ignore what’s really going on.”

Sexuality is a human issue, wrapped up in our holistic being. It’s too big for a quick fix. We need to be wholly healed.

If you struggle with this issue, or know someone who does, or even if the whole idea is new to you, I encourage you to visit Dirty Girls Ministries and find out what it’s all about. With so many women today silently struggling when their church does not even legitimize their struggle, this is one conversation we need to keep going, so that we can open up the doors for confession, community, healing, and freedom.

Sex, Yoga, and Your Church Potluck: A Round-up of Conversations about Embodied Faith

My young adult life has been a pendulum swinging erratically between the transcendent and the tangible. I have lived the Gnostic creed that the body is grotesque and competes with the spirit, and I have held my body hostage to the feminine ideal, obsessed with image.

 It wasn’t until my senior year in college that my fragmented perspective of my faith and my body began to heal, and it was because for the first time I really encountered the Incarnation. That’s another story for another day. I’d like to say that the church community helped me navigate these extremes, but unfortunately it was something I felt left to figure out on my own.

Which is why I’m thrilled to see so many solid conversations taking place just this week about embodied faith. Please take a few minutes today, settle down with your coffee, and drink this in…And to those who hosted these conversations, bravo and thank you. Let’s keep it going.

God Has a Wonderful Plan for your Body: It includes sex, diet, and sports–but so much more.  via Christianity Today. Matthew Lee Anderson gives an admirably balanced view of issues surrounding the body rooted in a practical theology of the Incarnation. He fairly explains how Christians have “sometimes been clumsy in our efforts to see how the Word should shape the flesh,” and how we can create a holistic understanding of our bodily existence that is more than just “to yoga, or not to yoga?”

While you’re at it, check out his new book: Earthen Vessels

The Secret Assault by Gary Thomas on Boundless.org. Gary Thomas makes  a convicting point: if you cannot obey God in the small things, how will you obey Him in greater things? He paraphrases late 19th century teacher Henry Drummond, “Let a man disobey God in gluttony, laziness or unncleanness, and you have no certainty that he has any true principle for obeying God in anything else; for God’s will does not only run into the church and the prayer-meeting and the higher chambers of the soul, but into the common rooms at home down to the wardrobe and larder and cellar, and into the bodily frame down to blood and muscle and brain.”

Let’s be clear: gluttony does not a judgment of weight. It means excess and lack of control. It may take the form of obesity, or an uncontrollable coffee habit, of which I have been caught in the act.

The Immorality of Gluttony: Should Healthy Living be a Spiritual Discipline? on RELEVANTmagazine.com. Marcus Thompson returns the concept of community to food, advocating family dinners, setting a healthy example, and breaking bread as a church community, not only as a way to put a stop to the alarming trend of childhood obesity but as a spiritual practice as well.

What has helped you build a biblical understanding of our physical and spiritual selves? If you have any resources or links, I’d love your thoughts and recommendations!

On Sex, Wholeness, and why “No Strings Attached” Desensitizes Intimacy

One summer while my husband and I were still dating, he worked as a lifeguard at an amusement park which had a reputation for hiring students on summer break who were looking to party. High school and college students roomed together in co-ed staff apartments, creating the perfect set-up for working in the sun all day and partying all night. Fortunately, Zach had a good friend working with him that summer, and they were able to escape this environment by renting an apartment of their own. It only took a few weeks for their co-workers to figure out that they were different…

Read the rest of this article on StartMarriageRight.com

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